i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
