Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
