i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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