Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
only if we run a train.
done.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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