lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
