I like my sex mixed with concussions.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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