Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
