can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
