i was born a porn star she said
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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