Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
