I want to walk on stilts...naked
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
