Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
