FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
