I can't breathe out the right side of my face
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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