the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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