This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
