I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
