yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
