ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
