I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
you win again, gameday.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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