I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
