so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
