Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
