I love black thongs
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
