she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
