Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
