"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
