i'm lost and i look like a hooker
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
