I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
