You just made me feel so damn special
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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