lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
