so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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