I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
