??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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