I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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