I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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