it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I need a burrito and a hug.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
