you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
