At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
