is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
