Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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