You really coming over, don't trick.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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