insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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