Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
so much tequila, so little girl.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
