Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize
