just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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