i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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