wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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