He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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