i need an iv and a liver transplant
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
