Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
