He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
