take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
