This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
