I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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